GUEST POST // by: AMBER GRUBER
I didn’t think that the grinch of Christmas lore and I had anything in common. I mean sure, my heart could be bigger. But I wouldn’t have characterized it as three sizes too small. However, my heart seems to have hit a growth spurt. It’s growing in the unstoppable, lush way that everything on this island seems to grow. It’s growing to hold the possibility that everyone I meet is a miracle. It’s growing to encompass the knowledge that we, as human beings, are movers of mind, body, and soul. And as movers, every fall, whether it be from grace or a tree, is a chance to reclaim our long lost climbing skills. My heart is growing to support the torch of truth that everyone has a better story. The house I built to hold the stories I’m collecting is also growing. It’s being renovated to hold more, because I’m now a story hoarder that cannot be stopped from collecting everywhere I go. My heart is growing to make space for the light seekers and the energy movers. For the reflection of myself that I see in both lost souls and ethereal beings. For the me that wakes up some days feeling very wise, like I’ve done this all before and for the me that feels like a little girl in a space that feels too big when I’m so small. It is growing to allow the part of me that is sailing into the mystic and the part of me that is drafting a sketch comedy about my life to co-exist. To believe simultaneously that I deserve everything and am owed nothing. To know that I am the summation of every bad habit, skill set, personality test, and broken heart multiplied by infinity and divided by zero.
I can let ambiguity exist. Sometimes. But when I can’t, I’ll have the backburner of my mind on low, simmering the idea that we all consist of love even on days when it doesn’t look like, sound like, taste like it should. Like we thought it would. Maybe these words ring the liberty bell hanging in your soul, but maybe they just sound like esoteric rambling. And if the latter is the case, here’s what I meant to say; I’ve been referring for a while to the phrase “the dichotomy of who I am” to describe the dots I’m trying to connect in this life that I’m living. But I would like to give the word dichotomy an upgrade to something that is a little more accurate. Perhaps “the dodecahedron of who I am” is closer to the truth. I thought I was being open minded to realize that I have more than one side. But we all have so many sides to our prism like beings. We are all the things.
My heart is stretching to get around the magnitude of all of this. Which leads me to believe that our superhero hearts are made of Spandex. And Spandex can stretch to MORE than 100% and still snap back to its original shape. So there's another important part of the story with heart expansion. If our hearts are indeed made of Spandex, (I’ll have to check with a few scientists, but I’m fairly confident that this is accurate information) then there’s lots of room to grow. But there’s also a caveat. If we don’t continue to hold space for the growth we’re experiencing, our hearts will snap back to their original size with an alarming velocity. I’m in a time in my life where it is very easy to see beauty, gratitude, abundance, diversity, and possibility all around me. But the growth has to extend beyond my circumstances to make it truly meaningful. So what I hope to do, and what I’m encouraging you to do, is hold on to the moments where you feel your heart expand and let them hold the shape until a moment comes along that is even bigger. There is always more room in our Spandex hearts. Keep stretching yours around better things. And have faith in holding the space when it seems like nothing bigger is coming. Let the biggest gifts in your life, the ones you can see and feel today, be the tent poles that hold the space in the structure of your Spandex heart.
Amber is our resident guest blogger. Amber also wrote this gem on TGM. Her beautiful pic and bio reside there also!