ode to my mother

Woman is the salvation or the destruction of the family. She carries its destiny in the folds of her heart.”+ Henri Frederic Amiel

My mom blasted off from her physical body back into the cosmos on October 9, 2014.
She was surrounded by love as she gently took her last breaths in her physical body.
Words cannot BEGIN to express the grief, love, and understanding that came with seeing her through this transition.

It was both the most hauntingly beautiful and gut wrenchingly hard thing I have ever experienced!

It seemed so natural. Like a mechanism winding down. But it also seemed so illusory or dream like because isn't that the true nature of life anyway? In many ways she feels more with me than ever but I still grieve her physical body and the way we used to be.

Today is her birthday. She is a timeless being but she would have been 61 earth years today. So happy bornday Mama! In honor of the woman who sacrificed so much so that I could be ME. I share with you these muy importante lessons that she taught me.

Show up. That's what you do in the world. You show up. You show up for those you love. You sit in the front row. You ask questions. How can I help you? You show up even when your scared. You show those you love that you do. You show up. Seems simple but it hit me really hard after she was gone how rare of a bird she is.  

Love hard. Loving someone who has hurt you is the hard thing to do. Most folks just give the finger and keep it moving! We in our humanity think withholding our love is the smart thing to do when we are hurt by a person or situation. My mom knew that withholding love truly only shrinks your own heart and experience. She embodied this truth and she never gave up on people or hard situations in her life. Truly an unconditional lover!!!!! How lucky am I?

Forgive quickly. Do it as quick as you can. Let it go. Breathe it out. She may have struggled in this area but she always erred on the side of forgiveness and that's all that matters. The unconditional forgiveness that she extended still brings me to my knees.

Anything is possible. Where there's a will there's a way was our family mantra and I saw this as a very real thing as a child. Maybe my parents knew about the law of attraction way back when. I guess we all do but this was burned into me as a child thanks in part to my mama.

Laughter is the best medicine. My mum and I were often roaring in laughter about something silly. I'll never forget her laugh. The older she got the less she cared about appropriate conversations and NOTHING, I REPEAT, NOTHING was off limits. At her memorial service a dear friend reminded me of the time she reminded us ladies before a co-ed cabin camping birthday that, "A hand never got nobody pregnant." One of the last phone conversations we had (she called me like 5 times a day) was about how even though she was sick her voice still sounded hot and she could totally become a phone sex operator. She had this wild abandon about her and it showed up in in her sense of humor, and how willing to laugh at things she was. Even if the topic was herself. 

Today as I gather with family to celebrate her earthly existence I challenge you...yes you, if you are reading this post to let someone you love know that you do indeed love them! Squeeze them if they are around. Call them if they are far away. Write a letter if it feels right. For this moment is all we have!

Ayesha Comment