the reflection debate.
Within a few hours of one another I found these two sentiments that knock down something I use to "believe" wholeheartedly. Now not so much. We will get to that in just a bit.
The two people who voiced these sentiments I have yet to meet but they are pretty much my spirit animals. They both embody the masculine and feminine in a way that is so beautiful and real.
They are Danielle Laporte and Jeff Brown. Both authors, both speakers, both spiritual in a fucking real way, and both kick ass people.
Jeff Brown says, "Lets get real about the ole "What we judge in others is a direct reflection of what exists within ourselves" routine. To be sure, there is value in considering how we are projecting our own stuff onto others- that is a wise inquiry- but not every negative judgment we feel is sourced in our own stuff, or in our soulular memory of past life misbehaviors. Sometimes we are appalled by certain behaviors because we have evolved to the point where we can distinguish good from bad, healthy from unhealthy, benevolent from malevolent. Do you know who planted the anti-judgment mantra with the world? Gurus who wanted to deflect responsibility when they were not living up to their professed standards. You call them on their stuff and they turn the mirror right back on you. It all comes back to good ole common sense. Sometimes we are projecting, and sometimes we are seeing things exactly as they are. Enrealment, or EnBullshitment- pick your path + Jeff Brown
Danielle goes on to ECHO his sentiment and writes, "One thing that the self help movement loves to teach and re-teach is that we attract our reality, and specifically, that we attract certain people into our lives to teach us certain things. I'm down with that theory. 100%. But here's where the (people) attraction theory gets really dangerous -- it's with these bonus concepts: That we attract certain people because they are, on some level, a reflection of us. OR... (and this is where we really mess ourselves up) that since we attracted a loser into our lives, we must also be... a big loser.
I'll be extremely poetic about this:
Just because you've brought a total jerkface asshole into your reality, it doesn't mean that they are mirroring your inner jerkface asshole-ness. It might just mean that they're a total jerk. And you're not. And the only thing you need to "work on" is how to respond to them. Want to know why jerks show up in your life? So that you can burn karma -- old agreements to be broken in current time, vows to be rescinded, slates to be wiped clean. We attract jerks for contrast -- jerks show us what deception and manipulation feels like. They show us how we don't want to feel -- which is excellent intel for knowing how we DO want to feel. We attract jerks to show us how to love and protect ourselves and the all-wonderful beings in our lives (in which case, the jerkface we have to guard against, usually thinks that we have turned into a big jerk. But that's to be expected.) We attract jerks because we don't feel worthy of respect (but that's okay, you can start requiring respect any time. Immediately would be good.) We attract jerks to find deep compassion, to uncork the curative powers of rage, to prompt the reclamation of sovereignty.
All I can say is AMEN! There was always something that was a bit off with that old belief. This feels much more in tune with my truth. What say you?